It’s with great joy that I bring Lifesurfing: Your Horoscope Forecast Guide 2015 to your attention — star sign monthly forecasts for intelligent working people who probably do things they shouldn’t, but what the hell.
This edition also features six Astro-Ray features which delve into the gooey innards of certain notable individuals – I do hope you have a strong stomach. There’s my analysis of Julie Burchill, a Cancerian yet a great carnivore in the jungle of hackery – why would this be? What does her horoscope tell us about this monstrous pussy who seems not very crabby? You don’t get just astrology. I tell what happened when Burchill summoned me to her hotel table in Brighton – the gifts, the emails, the snarling – I don’t get into the drugs on this occasion, but I do talk about her vicar. See, astrology can be fun. It’s not all about planets loitering about in the skies.
The Pope is Astro-X Rayed as is the sublime writer Duncan Fallowell, Molly Parkin and (oh!) Brad and Angelina – what a golden couple they are: wealthy, gorgeous, rich, fecund, popular – don’t you want to throttle ’em? My analysis may please the envious for in the many homes of Brangelina, the walls tremble with screaming and roaring. The final X-Ray-name-drops outrageously – Bowie, Madonna, Jagger, Kate Bush et al – in a piece about inscrutables. You won’t have read anything quite like it before.
Of course the most important subject is YOU. I have mapped out a course for each sign with cues to capitalise on life’s transient opportunities.
And here’s a special offer exclusive to Mitties! Buy a copy in either format and I shall supply you with a brief intro horoscope character analysis of no less than 300 words delivered by email. Offer ends July 31, 2014. In order to do the analysis I will need full birth details including location and clock-time if possible. Email me Volliver5@aol.com. I shall not ask for proof of purchases – but I shall pray for your soul if you deceive me!
Surf this brief life, poppets!